The Carmody Adoption Journey

As per request, here is a picture of Grandma with Samara from Day 1. When Mike and I were going through the adoption process, we did a lot of research on attachment issues. The conclusion we came to is that it would be best for us to limit the people that hold Samara to mostly just us for the first many weeks. That is why there aren’t more pictures of Samara with Grandma on this trip. Not a lot of people get this and perhaps people think we’re being silly but this is about Samara and us – no one else. We’re her parents and we will do what we think is best for her. We had this discussion with Grandma before we left for China and she totally understands and agrees that we need to do what we need to do . . . for Samara.

Imagine what Samara has been through over the last months. She was born on March 4, 2006 (possibly premature) and for whatever reason, her mother was unable to take care of her. Therefore, she carefully wrapped her up and left her in a place where she knew she would be found and taken in. She was discovered, taken to the police station to be assessed and brought to the Foshan Nanhai Social Welfare Institute where she lived for the first 11 months of her life. She was lovingly cared for by the orphanage director and nannies. These women were her source of food, protection, comfort, clean diapers, etc. and Samara loved them like a mother. Then one day she was put on a bus with nine other babies, brought to the Civil Affairs Office in Guangzhou and handed over to a man and woman who talked different, looked different, smelled different . . . everything familiar to her was taken away and gone just like that. Now every time she wakes up it’s us she sees and it will take a long time for Samara to realize that we are her parents now and have taken the place of her caregivers at the Nanhai SWI.

Samara is such a happy and easygoing baby. So in that way it’s easy for us to forget exactly what she’s going through. Because she’s always smiling and seems so content with us, it would be easy for us to assume she’s already attached to us. But this is not the case . . . it’s a long process and she needs to be cared for slightly different than a biological child to ensure that attachment does happen.

Here is some information that I found on the 4ever family website. These are just a few of the tips for encouraging attachment that I found interesting and wanted to post. For more information, go to http://www.a4everfamily.org/


Emotional Age

Many attachment professionals agree that the emotional age of a child at placement is set back to zero months. It is important to always consider the emotional age of your child and not the chronological age. Emotionally, your baby needs regression in order to go through the attachment process with his forever mommy and daddy. Baby that baby!

Stay Home

Stick close to home and avoid the revolving door of visitors until the baby has had time to adjust and learn who his parents are. Remember, you are strangers to this baby. He has not been waiting a long time for you. When the time comes to introduce the baby to family and friends, it is best to limit holding to Mother and Father.

Meet Baby's Needs Quickly and Consistently

Allow baby to see you and be held by you as much as she needs to feel safe and comfortable. Respond to all cries immediately while being both calm and loving--no matter what time it is or what you are in the middle of doing.

Use a Baby Carrier

Carry your baby close to you as long and as often as possible.

Routines

As your baby adjusts to the many changes, find a schedule in which you can begin to incorporate routines. Consistent routines help a baby predict what will happen next and help him feel safer.

Interact

Use every opportunity to make eye contact and enjoy your baby. Interact and play during bottle time, mealtime, floor time, bath time, etc. Make interacting a large part of your day. Some babies have trouble with eye contact or face-to-face interaction. In these cases, sit with her in front of a large mirror so she can still see the delight and joy in your eyes while playing in a less threatening way.

Games

Playing games that focus the baby's attention on Mommy and Daddy like peek-a-boo and "Where's Mommy?" help establish over and over who the important caretakers in her life are now.

Family and Friends

Because of separation from birth mother and at least one foster mother, often the baby may be waiting for the next caregiver to come along. Once the baby has had time to adjust to all of the different changes and learn who Mom and Dad are, it is often helpful to not only use family members and friends to run errands, cook meals, help keep house, etc. but to help them to always redirect the baby back to Mommy and Daddy. This will help establish that these two people are the primary caregivers and the most important people in his life.